Honor Killings

Unable to sleep, I found a Roku channel with over 1000 Ted Talks. Listening to former Jimmy Carter talk about “honor killings” in some places, where a girl is KILLED after it is discovered she has been raped.

While we do not do that sort of this here…there are people who shame, insult, and mistreat women who have suffered this terrible and vicious crime. Sadly, psychological pain and emotional acts of abuse continues well into the victims adulthood. The woman is taught to stay quite, don’t shame the family, and just deal with it. If they start to fight back, they are told to “get counseling” and stop having a “pity party.”

While parents, siblings, and other family members, do not sanction an honor killing, they still in ways that reveal they are more interested in their “honor” as the expense of the person who has been sexually abused. Often such families have some form of religious background. They fear their standing at the church, mosque, or synagogue will be harmed by the revelation of the dirty dark secrets buried beneath the surface.

I have counseled with several dozens women in my ministry who have been victims of sexual abuse – mostly at the hands of uncle, a father, or a an older adult sibling. While the act of violence and the violation of the woman is vile and vicious enough, the scares and emotional pain pent up inside can be even worse. Especially when the culprit was suppose to be the protector.

Can their be healing for such victims…and even forgiveness and reconciliation with those who perpetrated the abuse. Can their be healing for families who play their “honor” type scenarios? Absolutely. I have seen it happen on occasion.

But the “emotional honor killings” must stop, just like the actual honor killing in foreign countries needs to cease,

But the answer it NOT for the victim to just shut up, or talk privately to a counselor. Such advice is certainly a world better than an actual “honor killing,” but it is not a path toward healing.

When Jesus dealt with demonic possession, he sometimes asked the demons to name themselves. One demonic replied, “I am legion, for we are many.”

Healing and deliverance came to the possessed person, his family, and community, when the demonic forces were named…when they were forced to identify themselves and honestly dealt with their darkness.

This does not mean you go on the Jerry Springer show or call victimizes out on social media. But it does mean that the demonic must be named directly. It means the victim should not be ridicule, insulted, attacked, or told to keep quite by other members of the family. It means those culpable for seeking to shut her up must see themselves as a part of the abuse.

The victim must be show compassion. The violence done to her was NOT her doing. Women (and little girls) are not raped and abused because they asked for it. They are the victims.

Once named, prayer follows (Jesus taught that some demons are cast out only by prayer and fasting). Out of that prayer, a process of healing can take place. Most victims simply want to have it acknowledged that what happened to them was wrong, sinful, and a broken trust. Along with that, the manipulative power games that are a reminder of the abuse must cease. Usually, this is where counseling for the victimizer is needed. If the culprit confesses and ends the cycle of abusing, it is hopeful and likely that reconciliation can take place.

It’s hard to hear stories of little girls killed because they have been raped – and the knowledge of that would shame a family. But while we western folks, with our Judeo-Christian orthodox heritage would never do that, we are only slightly better when we tell a sister or daughter that the family honor is more important than the pain of being raped…so she better just shut up.

These Ted Talks are a great resource.

TED Talks: The Official TED Guide to Public Speaking
by: Chris Anderson
publisher: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, published: 2016-05-03
ASIN: 0544634497
EAN: 9780544634497
sales rank: 1503
price: $12.92 (new), $13.96 (used)

A New York Times Bestseller

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Since taking over TED in the early 2000s, Chris Anderson has shown how carefully crafted short talks can be the key to unlocking empathy, stirring excitement, spreading knowledge, and promoting a shared dream. Done right, a talk can electrify a room and transform an audience’s worldview. Done right, a talk is more powerful than anything in written form.
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